"Thicker than Water" Category
Fa La La La La...
It’s that time of year again…the holidays are upon us…Christmas is two weeks away…it’s time to reflect upon Christmas past…I don’t know about you, but Christmas tends to be a nightmare for my family – we love each other but if the stories from Thanksgiving are any indication for the other calendar holidays buckle up – you’re in for a treat…
Christmas 1983:
I was almost 3 years old, my sister was almost 4 – my father thought it would be a good idea to get us a kitten for our Christmas present. He went through the classified ads and found the perfect kitten for free – of course he waited until the last minute and picked the kitten up on Christmas eve – the ad read: free kitten to a good him – perfect…the kitten was more like a cat – it was an 11 year old “kitten”. My mom nearly killed my dad for bringing this cat into our house – she wanted a kitten for us, not a full grown cat set in his ways. What were they to do, they set up the cat toys and carrier by the tree and went to bed…when we got up to open the presents the cat was gone…all that was left was an empty cage, some toys and two upset toddlers. Days went bye and still no cat…one week later my mom finally found the cat behind the dishwasher – he wouldn’t come out to play for weeks…when he did come out, he didn’t want to play with us – he would hiss and scratch us – the most unfriendly animal…my mom named him rascal because he got into everything, ruined furniture and refused to play with us. Merry Christmas girls – here’s your “kitten” don’t touch him.
Christmas 1998:
My father loved Christmas and tended to go way over board – we had at least three christmas trees throughout the house and many other decorations – he put most store displays to shame. He spoiled us rotten – opening presents took hours. My brother was 15 in 1998 and wanted clothing – wanted name brand everything and was a bit of style whore back then – everything from Polo to Tommy – designer names were king to him. The first thing he opened was a sweater, he loved it – but he made a face at the size – he would have to return it for a larger size. After the 7th article of clothing he had a melt down – he was pissed that my parents thought he was a medium – when in fact, in his head, he was a large. He had a full hysterical fit screaming at the top of his lungs that he in fact was a “large” not a medium – way to embrace the Christmas spirit. At this point he only weighed 115lbs and was 5’5 – so yes little brother you were probably only a small, but in your defence, a large totally would have fit you. 10 years later and we still make fun him for his “large” hissy fit. After gaining a fair amount of weight – he wishes he was a medium and not an x-large – funny how things change with age.
The year the tree fell:
So the tree fell in 2000. An 18’ foot tree that was not properly installed in the base – took a header after 3 days of decorating: 4,000 lights, 300 individual ornaments, 100 hand-made bows, 30 strands of beads and 1 glass angel to top the tree. 18’ feet of douglas fir came crashing down – the trunk split; there was no recovery for this tree. The tree had to be removed from our house. It looked as though floor was a sea of glass – only 70 or so ornaments didn’t break. This was heartbreaking to my father – that year we only had one tree, a little five footer – it was still beautiful.
03-06:
My sister and brother would fight, my brother would throw bacon at my sister on Christmas morning, My mother would cry because her children were so poorly behaved…that’s the jist of it.
Christmas 2007:
Things were a bit different after the tree fell – we only had one tree from that point on and it was under 7 feet. We stopped going over board for presents and focused on the important things – family. In 2007, my brother and his wife did not come home for Christmas – it was their first Christmas out of province and they didn’t have the time off from work to come back to Ontario. So last year it was just my mom, my sister and myself celebrating as a family. Here’s how it went:
- My sister complaining that she had to drive for four hours to get to our family home. – My mother deciding that she was not going to make a big dinner – that I was to make dinner…I only know how to make eggs and chicken with mustard dressing…holy good jesus, I was going to have concentrate on making something good. – My sister and I fighting over cleaning up dinner. – My sister and I thinking it was a good idea to drink a bottle of vodka – vodka becomes your best friend until it turns on you and becomes your enemy the next day. – Taking back a present after my sister opened it – what…I was unemployed. – Walter (my sister’s dog) – fighting with my cat (still) and shitting all over the house – bad dog. – My sister announced that she would like wine for breakfast – I seconded the thought. – My mom stopped talking to us because we drank ourselves silly. – Me declaring Christmas cancelled in 2008.
Oh the family fun. Here’s the thing…we all still love each other, that’s the point…who cares about the rest. Looking forward to the antics of ’08.
My brother should be a film critic...
I love my brother…I love him for emails like this…
Hey, how are you? I just saw a movie that is a must see flick of the year. I swear it is a modern age “notebook”. It was so good. Watch it and report back! It is called “My Sassy Girl”. It was funny, sad and everything. I don’t know why but I just thought it was so good. Tell mum to watch it too. And tell her not to fall asleep. Let me know what you think.
I love that he is so passionate about a modern age “notebook”…just priceless!
crease this...
I don’t own a summer house, a cottage or a vacation home…but if I did own any of the above, ironing would not be done there. Why the hell would you iron in a place of relaxation…you’re on vacation for chirst sakes…relax, let your hair down…no one cares if you have tiny wrinkles in your clothing….the way I see it, everyone else looks like crap – why not join them.
I bring this up, because someone I know owns a cottage and they iron their clothing when they are there. When asked why, why would you iron at your cottage…the answer, possibly the best answer ever….
“How else do you get the creases in the sleeves?”
AMAZING x 2.
Even better…the response…“I haven’t ironed in 35 years, I’m not about to iron on vacation.” HAHAHA…I love my mother.
Been There...
A message sent from one of my readers…
Message: At the advice of someone very close to my heart, I finally found my way to your blog! A great read, very funny stuff! Sounds a lot like my own life: crazy, but in a good way!
Now for some advice (yes, I am a mother) about finding a job. My number one, sure-fire, no fail method for finding a job: Pound the pavement. Forget the newspaper ads, the internet searches, the FYI emails from controlling friends and family. The ONLY way to find a job is to put yourself out there. Go door to door, possibly beg, and if all else fails – bring on the tears. I know this sounds a bit 1965, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to beocme a blond, if you’re not one already. Although, with a name like Sissy Larue, I’ll bet you and Lady Clairol are bff!
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that if – and when – you knock on the right door and actually find a job, your life as you know it will definitely change. During your time of unemployment, or ‘reflection’ as I think you called it, I’ll just bet you slept later, read more, caught up on the soaps and the new cast members of the View, checked out the best on DVD since 2007 and probably got used to all of it in a heartbeat.
Isn’t it great to live in pajamas until it’s time to get that daily Starbucks fix? Even better is when you settle for Tim’s Drivethru and you don’t even have to make the effort to lose the pajamas and actually get dressed. (We all know how tiring dressing can be!) Getting back on that work horse will certainly be a challenge (read ‘rude awakening’) but you can do it. All you really have to do is get up earlier, close the book, turn off the tube, return the DVD’s, get dressed and … listen to your mother!
Happy Thanksgiving...
So here’s the thing about family – love is what holds you together…no matter what, they love you and you love them – they are all you get in life…however, my family is slightly crazy and i feel like a hostage half the time I’m with them…but I know love is what keeps me here…
Thanksgiving 2003…
My sister, was away at University and she needed a ride home for Thanksgiving dinner…everyone’s favourite holiday…a holiday of reflection and stuffing…
My brother went to pick her, her dog and her laundry up…I wasn’t in the car but from what I was told – Walter, my sister’s dog, threw up and she promised to pay to have the car detailed…Upon arriving home with said sick dog, 10 garbage bags of laundry, and her happy self, she refused to pay my brother any money…this is where the drama started…
My sister and Walter were in the shower (I know – weird, but he had puke on him) when my brother decided that he should spread all of her laundry all over the back yard…he was pissed…he had dog puke in his back seat…clearly this was the only option to deal with his anger – dump 10 trash bags of clothes all over the back yard – way to go buddy, that’ll get her to fork over the money…get a life – she’s not that weak…My sister got out of the shower and was running around the back yard in a towel….that’s right a towel – that girl has no shame…yelling and screaming at my brother…that pissed him off even more…He finally grabbed her purse, took her wallet and booted it onto the roof….yes, the roof…because if he couldn’t have his money, neither could she…
My mother had spent days getting this frigin meal ready – so that we could all come together as a family and reflect on the things that we are thankful for…That woman thinks the best of her children and thinking they can behave for one meal is her real dream…She should probably get a new one.
Anyway, There were some tears – mainly my mother…name calling, yelling and hysterical fits of laughter…My sister got dressed…My brother was forced to go on the roof to look for the wallet…My sister made Walter apologize…really, this is my family…
Finally the wallet was found, the laundry was in the house, the dog puke had been cleaned and we were all friends again…Then the fire started…oh yeah, a small oven fire…clearly no one was paying attention to the food during all this drama and the yams went up in flames….After they were extinguished we all looked at each other and started to laugh…That’s how a fire saved Thanksgiving 03!
Lessons learned…Yams under the broiler need to be watched at all times…family is forever, even if they are a little nuts!