Fa La La La La...
It’s that time of year again…the holidays are upon us…Christmas is two weeks away…it’s time to reflect upon Christmas past…I don’t know about you, but Christmas tends to be a nightmare for my family – we love each other but if the stories from Thanksgiving are any indication for the other calendar holidays buckle up – you’re in for a treat…
Christmas 1983:
I was almost 3 years old, my sister was almost 4 – my father thought it would be a good idea to get us a kitten for our Christmas present. He went through the classified ads and found the perfect kitten for free – of course he waited until the last minute and picked the kitten up on Christmas eve – the ad read: free kitten to a good him – perfect…the kitten was more like a cat – it was an 11 year old “kitten”. My mom nearly killed my dad for bringing this cat into our house – she wanted a kitten for us, not a full grown cat set in his ways. What were they to do, they set up the cat toys and carrier by the tree and went to bed…when we got up to open the presents the cat was gone…all that was left was an empty cage, some toys and two upset toddlers. Days went bye and still no cat…one week later my mom finally found the cat behind the dishwasher – he wouldn’t come out to play for weeks…when he did come out, he didn’t want to play with us – he would hiss and scratch us – the most unfriendly animal…my mom named him rascal because he got into everything, ruined furniture and refused to play with us. Merry Christmas girls – here’s your “kitten” don’t touch him.
Christmas 1998:
My father loved Christmas and tended to go way over board – we had at least three christmas trees throughout the house and many other decorations – he put most store displays to shame. He spoiled us rotten – opening presents took hours. My brother was 15 in 1998 and wanted clothing – wanted name brand everything and was a bit of style whore back then – everything from Polo to Tommy – designer names were king to him. The first thing he opened was a sweater, he loved it – but he made a face at the size – he would have to return it for a larger size. After the 7th article of clothing he had a melt down – he was pissed that my parents thought he was a medium – when in fact, in his head, he was a large. He had a full hysterical fit screaming at the top of his lungs that he in fact was a “large” not a medium – way to embrace the Christmas spirit. At this point he only weighed 115lbs and was 5’5 – so yes little brother you were probably only a small, but in your defence, a large totally would have fit you. 10 years later and we still make fun him for his “large” hissy fit. After gaining a fair amount of weight – he wishes he was a medium and not an x-large – funny how things change with age.
The year the tree fell:
So the tree fell in 2000. An 18’ foot tree that was not properly installed in the base – took a header after 3 days of decorating: 4,000 lights, 300 individual ornaments, 100 hand-made bows, 30 strands of beads and 1 glass angel to top the tree. 18’ feet of douglas fir came crashing down – the trunk split; there was no recovery for this tree. The tree had to be removed from our house. It looked as though floor was a sea of glass – only 70 or so ornaments didn’t break. This was heartbreaking to my father – that year we only had one tree, a little five footer – it was still beautiful.
03-06:
My sister and brother would fight, my brother would throw bacon at my sister on Christmas morning, My mother would cry because her children were so poorly behaved…that’s the jist of it.
Christmas 2007:
Things were a bit different after the tree fell – we only had one tree from that point on and it was under 7 feet. We stopped going over board for presents and focused on the important things – family. In 2007, my brother and his wife did not come home for Christmas – it was their first Christmas out of province and they didn’t have the time off from work to come back to Ontario. So last year it was just my mom, my sister and myself celebrating as a family. Here’s how it went:
- My sister complaining that she had to drive for four hours to get to our family home. – My mother deciding that she was not going to make a big dinner – that I was to make dinner…I only know how to make eggs and chicken with mustard dressing…holy good jesus, I was going to have concentrate on making something good. – My sister and I fighting over cleaning up dinner. – My sister and I thinking it was a good idea to drink a bottle of vodka – vodka becomes your best friend until it turns on you and becomes your enemy the next day. – Taking back a present after my sister opened it – what…I was unemployed. – Walter (my sister’s dog) – fighting with my cat (still) and shitting all over the house – bad dog. – My sister announced that she would like wine for breakfast – I seconded the thought. – My mom stopped talking to us because we drank ourselves silly. – Me declaring Christmas cancelled in 2008.
Oh the family fun. Here’s the thing…we all still love each other, that’s the point…who cares about the rest. Looking forward to the antics of ’08.
Your cat story of ’83 is hilarious. Brings back similar memories when someone once gave my girlfriend a Siamese cat. The owner emphatically claimed it was a friendly lap cat. When my girlfriend brought the cat home, she had a cat carrier and there were some mighty unpleasant sounds emanating from inside. Foolishly, I opened the door only to be greeted by a flurry of razorblades and fur. The cat-beast vanished and managed to hide for about an hour. Searching the kitchen, we heard the familiar snarl behind a cupboard door. I once again managed to get another face full of razorblades. With a thick pair of gloves and considerable effort, kitty went back to the original owner to find a new home.
Dec 18, 11:05 PM. Permalink.