So you think you can run...part 1...
So, I decided to become a runner. I’ve wanted to be a runner for months – but I was either too lazy or too scared to actually do it – sitting on the sofa was a much easier decision to make. So, I finally got off my ass and joined a “learn to run” program – 5km in 8 weeks…sounds good to me. Build from 6 minutes to 30 minutes – in 8 weeks, that’s frigin awesome – where do I sign.
Week 1:
Runs 1 – 3: Oh my god, I have to run…Oh my god, I can’t do this…Oh my god, I’m running…oh my god, I can’t breathe….Oh my god, what was I thinking…oh my god, I ran for 6 minutes…oh my god, I think I sprained my fat.
No one ever said it was going to be easy, but you would think that 6 little minutes wouldn’t be so freaking hard – wrong. Remembering to breathe is the hardest part – Christ, putting one foot in front of the other and breathing has become difficult; I’ve been doing that for over 28 years, and now with a quicker pace, it’s hard. I had no idea it would be this hard – you see people running all the time, they make it look easy. I’ve been assured that it will not always be this hard – at some point (possibly within 8 weeks) it will become easier.
Week 1 is finished – The only thing I can say, and I can say it with confidence: I am a runner – yes 6 minutes, makes me a runner.
Stayed tuned for each week.
A hard save...
Balance and coordination have never been two things that I possess. I’ve fallen down stairs, tripped on sidewalks, missed the occasional step here or there…At first it’s embarrassing – when you trip on a pine cone which brings you down on your hands and knees, you develop a tough skin (and not just from having skinned these areas so many times before). After you fall in public so many times, it’s no longer embarrassing – it’s actually really funny.
My most memorable fall happened when I was in first year of University. I had been avoiding Spanish Class for over a month. You miss one class, that’s ok. But you know what they say…one turns into two and two turns into ten…then you’ve missed so many classes that you are actually scared to go back. Anyway, My friend made me go back to class – it was the review for the final and apparently that was important; I was going to learn an entire semester in one class – yeah right.
The class room was on the third floor – we made it up the first flight of stairs fine, the second flight fine…the third flight is where it got messy…I tripped up three steps…one step is easy to recover from – but three is a hard save. So there I was tripping up the steps in an incedibably crowded stariwell…everyone was staring…there was no graceful way to get out of it, I just had to let it happen and I hoped for the best…
My best included a professor – whom I landed on…which is great, because his crotch is the reason I didn’t break my nose that day…that’s right – I landed face first into this man’s crotch with one hand on his shoulder, the other in his hand….This was not one of my best moments at University – possibly one of the funniest, but not best.
So what do you do to recover…it’s an awkward situation – how you deal with it…for me it went something like this…“I am so sorry”…the man said nothing back – he just stood there…I wanted to fix this situation…I should have walked away, but I didn’t…I decided it was necessary to straighten his tie, dust off his shoulders and gave him a quick pat on the back – I said thanks and told him to have a nice day…He was silent, possibly frozen in shock. I of course had to move on, I had to leave this mess behind – plus I was now late for Spanish.
CAA...
So yesterday my car wouldn’t start….what’s a girl to do…I have jumper cables but don’t know how to use them…the last time they were used, an old man laughed at me in the parking lot of a grocery store and called me a silly girl…soooooo, I called CAA, and got a membership because for $45.00 they were going to give me a jump or for $82.00 I would have 6 free jumps – SOLD.
Today, my boyfriend was going to go No Frills for coffee, water and splenda aka, the essentials…however, after starting the car, he realized he was missing a quater…at this moment I am cursing carts that require money….maybe throwing my fist in the air….anyway, he came in to get a quater and then once quater in hand, he went out to the running car to realize it was locked…..fuuuuccckkkkk.
So, I dial CAA, yet again, less than 24 hours after purchasing said membership to have them open up my little red neon….perfect. I am greeted by the same CAA dude from yesterday…I am wearing pajamas, becuase I just couldn’t get dressed again…he laughed at my snowflakes.
Moral of this story, keep a freaking quater in the car.
Things that bothered me last week...
1. Kanye West at the Grammys sporting a mullet, sequined jacket and mortercylce gloves. Ummmmm….pretty sure that was an aweful look in 1987 when M. Jackson wore it. No matter what mr. west thinks he will never be as famous as micheal or madonna.
2. Sitting in my local Starbucks listening to some dude as he was placing his order rantting about how he was going to break up with his girlfriend. The barista asked how you were…she did not ask how things were going with you and your lady, pretty sure she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with that.
3. The way they f’ed up the Shopaholic movie….trying to mash up three books into one movie is a shitty deal for the fans of the shopaholic series.
4. At a tanning salon, some dude was complaining about how tingle lotion made his junk burn….ummmmmm, what are you doing puting tingle on our junk….do you really need to put lotion down there to get it tan too….get it together.
That is all.
yoga wear...
So, today is there is a high-end yoga wear warehouse sale. I like yoga wear and I sure as hell like a sale…pants that retail in the high $80s, for a discount, what a great way to spend a Thursday morning! However, this was a hot mess.
First of all, the sale had a facebook event page…with over 5,000 people confirmed…clearly very popular pants…two, the sale is on for four days only…three, the last entry on the wall for the event was entered at like 6am this morning stating “I’m on my way to the sale now”…one would think that was rather early for a 9am opening…four, my decision to leave at 8:45 was indeed a huge mistake.
I parked 3 blocks away from the building, it was -15c outside = f’ing cold, upon arriving to the warehouse, the line was wrapped around the building…no f’ing way…they’re yoga pants…no matter what anyone tells you, they pill…concert tickets for madonna and the like deserve a line, not pants…even though I cherish my yoga pants, more importantly the time I spend in said pants, I do not wait in line for them.
I hope that those who waited in the line got amazing deals and items they couldn’t live without.
p.s. I’m going back tonight for some pants….I can’t resist a sale, hopefully the line is short!